Hello! It is I, Crossword Guy, back for a second Hallway Psychology article that was encouraged by so many of my loving supporters out here in GFHS! (Ryann and, to a lesser extent, Allyssa.) I talked to a great many (1 person) people to see what I should do, and they all agreed that I should shed some light on the seedy underbelly of the BOTC events. That’s right – another BOTC article! “Yay, we never ever get tired of constant BOTC articles, Crossword Guy!” I know, right?! Now, before we get started, I need to add the disclaimer that this is a fun article meant to be relatable and thus will use quite a lot of hyperbole and flamboyant language. So, if everyone would kindly give me their undivided, total, unflagging, complete-but-not-like-we’re-flirting attention (and if Chloe doesn’t explain my jokes again, heartless woman), we are going to dive right in! (Also, second disclaimer, I asked multiple people about their various class experiences to make this article to better ensure that these archetypes existed in every class. If you feel one of the negative archetypes may be directed at you, please take it up with the offices of Self Improvement in your brain. I know it’s in there somewhere!)
The Selfless Martyr – I’m only here for the pizza, man.
Synopsis: Imagine – you are overworked, and underpaid, you haven’t had a snack in 3 days (so you’re basically starving to death), and STILL you are showing up every single day to trace and paint and do whatever else. Then, the moment Mr. Nihi calls in for pizza on the last day, through your bleary, malnourished eyes, you see a crowd of people coming in acting like they own the place while having no clue what is going on or what they should be doing. A selfless martyr will not do anything for anyone else in BOTC unless some incentive is dangled in front of their heads, at which point they may even just take the incentive and leave. Shame is not an obstacle for them; they seem to be joyfully void of any semblance of embarrassment for what they do, and the worst part is, that it is socially unacceptable to call them out on it. Darn, you, Social Contract!
Helpfulness: 4 / 10. If you can manage to wrangle them in to get something done, they can usually be helpful, BUT it’s unhelpful to have to instruct a crowd of people who have no context for anything.
Decency: 2 / 10. A real child of the BOTC cloth does not need food to show up and help. A real child gives and expects nothing in return.
Resolve: 3 / 10. Their resolve lasts as long as the snacks do. Simple as.
Cooperation: 3 / 10. How can people who know so little of what’s going on be so condescending?!
Overall Score: 4 / 10. Look, I get it. BOTC is not for everybody. But pick whether you’re doing it or not! Don’t stay on the fence because you need something for yourself before you’re willing to help others! That’s life lessons with Crossword Guy! (I’m superior to you now, Daniel Tiger. I always told you it would happen one day. Now look where we are.)
The Rushjob – If I’m not in a hurry, it means I’ve fallen dead from all my stress.
Synopsis: I know I just got on people for not taking BOTC seriously enough, but I have to admit that there is a line where taking it seriously becomes unhealthy. These people will submerge themselves in all the jobs their class can offer them and will then end up getting all of them done not greatly because they’re so focused on all the other things on their plate. It’s a Catch-22, except it’s really not because they could just say no to any of the things asked of them. But then they wouldn’t almost crumble under their anxiety of a need to get things done! I- wait, that’s me. That’s what I- Oh. Ahem. Scoring!
Helpfulness: 6 / 10, and that’s based mostly on potential. They can start a pretty good foundation, but the bricks they’re placing are laden with 40% fear of missing deadlines and 60% avocado oil.
Decency: 5 / 10. They’re just trying to help in the only way they know how – breaking their backs working for no reason!
Resolve: 7 / 10. They’re trying their absolute best, and that’s not good for them because their best involves burning fuel they can’t afford to lose.
Cooperation: 7 / 10. It’s their whole thing, really.
Overall Score: 6 / 10. I’m sure Mr. Wood or Mr. Dinwiddie have something to say about procrastination or overwhelming yourself or whatever, but look, it comes from a place of good intentions, and that’s what counts. Now, with this in mind, if you see someone sleeping during class during BOTC week, sympathize, teachers. They’re probably not falling asleep because of that, more like they just don’t get enough sleep in general, but y’know, spread the love.
The Saboteur – I don’t care who wins as long as my class loses.
Synopsis: These people (usually Sophomores) are people who are so sick of the way their class is that they will actively help other classes just so they can see the look on their peers’ faces when 4th place is announced. They don’t care about the popularity they’ll lose by defecting (Darn you twice, Social Contract!); they just kind of have a built-in misanthropy to everyone graduating the same year as them. Like rival siblings, except you don’t have to share a room with them for months on end as you wish more and more that they would do something so you could hit them. Actually, on second thought, a lot like rival siblings!
Helpfulness: 1 / 10. This is unhelpfulness to your own grade, so if there were negative numbers in scoring, you bet I would put it down there. “But Mr. Crossword Guy, you make the scoring rules!” Oh, dear Reader, I am swayed by forces and decree the scope of which you could not possibly imagine. (A minus sign would look weird with the format I’m going with.)
Decency: 2 – 6 / 10. Just because you’re defecting doesn’t mean you have to forgo your niceties to your class! Be kind to others as you stab them in the back!
Resolve: 4 / 10. They are obviously not very competitive if they sink a boat with them on it just to watch their class’ head go under.
Cooperation: 8 / 10. This is just in general, and they cooperate very much with the other classes!
Overall Score: 5 / 10. Dude, I get it. Hatefulness and bitterness and just not wanting to talk to your peers- it’s what makes up the fabric of Crossword Guy’s being! (Why do you think I’m flaming so many people in this article?) But if you help the seniors, there’s no saving you. Help us lonely privates in purple, or better yet, help our boys (actually mostly girls) in blue! “Gee, Crossword Guy, it sounds like you’re considering defecting!” Dear Reader, I am a true patriot, loyal to the end. You can’t break my resolve and undying support! But hypothetically speaking-
The Chaos Agent – We had a good thing going, you stupid son of a tiger!
Synopsis: Do you ever get that feeling when you see a plan or establishment running perfectly fine and you just think, “I just really want to mess this all up”? (I know I’ve felt that before! How do you think the crossword was started?) Well, that’s a chaos agent’s nonconsensual job! They will cause disorder to any strategy for success, whether it be by ensuring that a plan doesn’t get made, messing up someone else’s role, or by completely blowing their part of it when it’s up to them to get it done! The worst part is that they do all of this by accident, without even realizing it’s what they did. GRAHHHH, it frustrates me just by thinking about it- because to be angry at them is unfair, but at the same time, they are the lynchpin of a class’s downfall.
Helpfulness: 2 / 10. Just a little step above an active saboteur.
Decency: 8 / 10. Again, nice people, just a bit too far off the cliffs of crazy.
Resolve: 9 / 10. Their high enthusiasm is the exact reason why they are doomed to be disruptive, but it also makes them very supportive of their class!
Cooperation: 4 / 10. They try so, so hard to be a team player, but it just doesn’t work. You can’t change nature, Remy.
Overall Score: 6 / 10. Despite my constant frustration towards this archetype, I feel partial to the positive energy that they try so hard to put out. Effort is everything, but sometimes it just doesn’t pay off, at which point you feel angry and tired that you put in any effort in the first place. Whoops!
And, to conclude this article on a positive note –
The Average – There’s nothing bad about me worth mentioning!
Synopsis: This archetype sums up every person who puts in a healthy amount of work building up their class and preparing them for victory. You managed to work so well from behind the curtain that I felt no need to call you out in this article, but rather give you a shout-out. You people are what makes BOTC almost bearable! Thank you for all that you do.
Overall Score: 10 / 10.
