Hello, newfound Dear Reader! If you stubled upon my page, you are doing one of two things – A) You are looking through every staff profile, I’m nothing special, you want me to get on my crossword hobbled knees and beg for your interest as a viewer, or B) You’re wondering who put together those absolutely beautiful website ads / homepage / calendar events / a million other things, and that’s not just me running out of examples. Either way, you are on my page, you have kept reading rather than turning away in disgust and moving on to Leighya’s bio, and I am nothing if not a gracious host. In the metaphorical house that is this website, thisis my little bedroom, so I’m going to scoop all my metaphorical Fallout merch and various other nerd crap into my metaphorical closet, and give you a non-metaphorical explanation of who I am. Well, you just sat through a paragraph of essentially nothing being said (Mr. McCabe may call that an “introduction paragraph”) and, unless you are very VERY dense (it’s okay, I’ve worked with dense readers before. How do you think I got temporarily vilified in November?) you’ve probably noticed that I’m very talkative. Okay, yeah, I’m a yapper. You won’t find anyone in Tiger Tribune as yappalicious as me, but you also won’t find anyone in Tiger Tribune who takes so few off-days. The truth is, Dear Reader, writing is FUN for me. (Horrified gasp!) It’s probably fun for the others, too, but it’s especially fun for me. The enjoyment of setting up a tone, (currently I’m in “charming condescension”. Do you like it?) ignoring basic grammar rules to make a piece flow better, it’s one of the most basic pleasures of the flesh! (And then you’re all like, “What does that mean, Crossword Guy? What are the other ‘basic pleasures of the flesh’?” Well, um, to answer that, Dear Reader, I have backed myself into a corner with this thought process! You’ll learn all about those in Health class, but I’m going to cut to an indent right about now. And by that I mean food. It’s food, man.) So, you’ll notice, if you ask around, that I go by many names. Winnie, Crossword Guy, Coach Comet, Ainsley Jarvis, Slightly Darker Shawn Spencer, That Real Awful Guy Jerry, what do they all mean? Well, for one thing, I could explai half of those names by the fact that I’m in Theater. We get a lot of names that are not neccessarily our names in that class. The others, well, any good author, artist, or practitioner has to have a good furson- PERSONA- PERSONA, I MEANT PERSONA. It’s just a simple law of the jungle, and by jungle we mean classroom, and by we, we mean I. Confusing? Good. It’ll distract you. See, without an epithet, we are nothing. It doesn’t even have to be a good one. Think about it, would you rather be known as “Kyle” and be instantly forgotten about the moment people take their eyes off you, or would you rather be “The Kid Who Peed His Pants Onstage During Night Of The Arts”, and be forever immortalized in Granite Falls history? It’s just a matter of recognition. We’re four paragraphs in, and it seems like we really haven’t gotten anywhere, have we? Should I just pile on essential information here so I can make up for your lost time? I’m a Freshman. (Note to self: Remember to edit in Sophomore next year.) I create the crosswords, minigames, horoscope, website formatting (some of it), articles, more horoscopes that never get published because the editors don’t go over it in time so by the time it’s finished and ready to publish the stars in question have already passed (I’m still kinda bitter about that, Allyssa), and a lot of art and thumbnails, some of which will never see the light of day. I am Director of Diversion, President of Preamble, and Judge of All That Is Nonsensical. It’s my unofficial job, none of which ever will go on a Tiger Tribune jacket, unfortunately. I have a lot of nerd interests that I can go on and on about (ask Paul. Or really anyone.) and a deep hatred for both Edward and Jacob. (YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THEM, BELLA! HALF THE MEN IN WASHINGTON WOULD KILL FOR A GOTH GIRLFRIEND!) To be honest, I just enjoy the little things. That’s what makes a newspaper shine, not the bulk, or the front page, or what the other writers pour their heart and soul into, it’s me, all me, because that’s just the way the world works! (For the denser among you, Dear Readers, I’m being sarcastic.) So, to cut this all off on a high note, my relatively short life’s work is dedicated to people’s enjoyment of Tiger Tribune, and it will most likely remain that way until I either graduate or horrifically and suddenly die! Thank you for reading.